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All You Can Cheat
A TV cookery programme has landed itself in hot water - fuck me, I'm good - for fleecing punters who voted in a competition they had no hope of winning. I watched the programme, and if I remember...
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Goodbye Cruel World
Yesterday's post got no comments at all. I have decided to do the honourable thing: delete the post and take an enormous quantity of sleeping pills. Mum, Dad, I'm sorry. Could someone please look after...
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Fuck the Children
If Lenny Henry's wife went on a diet there'd be enough food for everyone.And this cunt can fuck off too.
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All Broke Up
And that's that. After three years off the market I am now officially single again.Form an orderly line, ladies.
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Don't Make Me Laugh
According to The 100 Greatest Stand-Ups on Channel 4 last night, Harry Hill is a funnier man than Bill Hicks was. Well I never. I'd always assumed that, as a comedic genre, radical satire was superior...
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Scatfest
Went to the Gilbert & George retrospective at Tate Modern yesterday. If you think you might be offended by photos of old men's cocks and crucifixes made from shit, don't go. I would also warn...
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Farewell, Sweet Tooting
I love Tooting. I was born here and I've lived here for half of my life. Tooting's got everything the urban gentleman requires - street crime, terror suspects, and the best curry houses in Britain.But...
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Pork News
The morepork is an antipodean owl, so called because that's what it says. "More pork! More pork!" It must have been saying that for thousands of years, yet its diet still consists of moths and mice....
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Floored
If you're wondering why I haven't posted anything about my new life as a resident of Nappy Valley, it's because the only bit of it I've seen so far is my bedroom floor. I fucked up my back while moving...
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Forgive Me, Readers...
...for I have sinned. It has been nine days since my last post. That's slack, even for me. Living in an affluent area is not conducive to blogging, I've found. There's no time, what with all the...
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The Lavender Hill Mob
Let there be no doubt about it: Battersea is chock-full of thick rich cunts. Today the local butcher charged the woman in front of me £35.52 for a leg of lamb. She looked like every other bint around...
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On The Move (Again)
My days of living in Cunt's Corner are almost at an end. This weekend I'm moving back to my spiritual home, back with the flotsam and chav scum at the lower end of the Northern Line. Within a...
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No Excuses
I've had broadband for some time now, I just couldn't be arsed to post anything. Give me one good reason why I should, you cunts.
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Last Legs
There are cockroaches in my new flat. You only tend to see one at a time, and it's usually a dead one, but I know the invasion can't be far off. I'm hoping that my cats are bringing them in from...
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Deathly Quiet
Some old codger died outside my flat this morning. It was fantastic. Normally the rush hour traffic is deafening, but the police cordoned off the high street for hours and it was so peaceful I could...
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Hitch or Titch?
It's all gone quiet chez Hungbunny; even the cockroaches appear to have gone on holiday. But instead of boring you all with yet another diatribe against the smoking ban, I would like to draw your...
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Spot the Difference
The Matisse Magritte (that's the one on the right) belonged to legendary jazz warbler and jizz gargler George Melly, who died today at the age of 80. Please let it be Dylan's turn next.
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I'm Not A Racist, But...
...if the good people of Lewisham want to dress up in white robes and scare the shit out of this monstrous harridan when she gets evicted from the Big Brother house, they have my blessing.
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"I've Even Sucked An Old Man's Cock"
Some time ago now I was "tagged" by Foot Eater, the blogosphere's answer to a rhetorical question. I'm supposed to come up with eight bits of autobiographical trivia, but you'll have to make do with...
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Attention Muslims!
Are you too busy planning Jihad to remember to pray? Do your duties to Allah suffer because you spend every waking hour surfing the internet for things to get offended about? Is your face so obscured...
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Spastic Surgeons
My back operation has been postponed for the third time. I showed up at the hospital yesterday morning, signed the consent form, put on the plastic bracelets, got shown to my bed, unpacked my stuff,...
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